Retrouvaille
by nubivagantNefelibata
Summary: "From now on, Rank 1 Sasaki, you're trusted with the task of eliminating the S rated ghoul Hideyoshi Nagachika." In which Sasaki begins wondering who's right, who's wrong, and where exactly he should lie his loyalties, because he's discovering things that's leaving him even more confused than before. Slight AU where Hide is a half-ghoul.
1. Chapter 1

**Retrouvaille**: _Chapter 1_

Haise let out short bursts of air, wishing the burning sensation inside of his lungs would relax. Wishing was futile, for wishes never came true. Not for him, at least. He found wishes rarely came true for him these days. He licked his cracked lips with the tip of his dry tongue, and beads of cold sweat rolled down the side of his neck.

The sound of yelling and rapid taps of feet were approaching closer and closer with every second. He couldn't afford to rest-the people who had once been his friends, or at least some sort of pleasant acquaintance, considered him an enemy. But his legs burned, and if he didn't rest, they would fall off altogether.

Five more seconds. No, maybe a minute, they can't catch us this quickly. Right? But they've caught others quicker, he thought turbulently. We might be-they might-!

"Haise, dude, get it together! We've got this far, we're going to be fine."

A steady hand shook his stiff shoulder and stopped him from drowning in his own hyper worries. Haise lifted his weary head to look at the man standing next to him, looking just as worn as he was. A certain warmth cradled his pounding heart.

He-the man-was the reason. For his sore legs, for the people running after him, for his life he could no longer return to. Haise was still weighing the pros and cons of the situation, and it was beginning to look like there were more negative things to say.

Looking at him reminded him that maybe it was worth it. Maybe he didn't have to regret it. The man smiled reassuringly, and Haise felt himself smile, despite everything. The man's smile was infectious.

Haise called his name.

.

.

.

"Rank 1 Sasaki!"

The Quinx had come to work early to review their current investigation, pertaining to a ghoul and the death of a human. Isn't that always the case? Haise thought in disdain. He didn't have much time to spare for his lingering thoughts as one of the Rank 3 workers came walking briskly towards him.

"Oh, good morning," Haise greeted. Even if it wasn't necessary, Haise felt it was practically protocol to greet every person with a "good morning" if the time spanned from six to eleven in the morning. The fellow employee flashed a brief smile and returned his "good morning"'s. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Arima wishes to speak with you immediately. Privately," the man added lowly, blandly eyeing the other all-too-eager Quinxes. "He says the other are to wait calmly in the lobby."

"Can't we at least go work on our current case, as we're here?" Tooru asked. The messenger paused, and then shrugged.

"Arima specifically requested that you stay here, but I don't see why you can't work on your case," the man agreed wonderingly. He scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm only relaying what he told me."

"How about we listen to Arima for now?" Haise suggested and turned to give the Quinx a wary smile. "Stay here. I'll try and be quick."

Shirazu huffed impatiently, but plopped down on one of the lobby couches, arms folded tightly. As ambient as ever, Tooru complied smoothly and scooched into the space next to his impatient friend. Urie gave a curt, silent nod, but something in the back of Haise's mind whispered that Urie was going to go work anyway.

"Now, if we can get going?" The man suggested. Haise tore his gaze away from the ones he considered as family, even if their view of him wasn't a mirror image, and followed the man to Arima.

.

.

.

"Hello, Haise."

"Hello. Good morning, Arima," Haise greeted, making sure to keep up with his morning tradition. He gave a small, respectful bow. The air was always so icy in the meeting room, no matter the season. He suspected the cause was reckless, intense air conditioning. "What do you need?"

"I would like if you sat down first," Arima spoke blandly. He pushed up his glasses, which surely had not a smudge on the lenses. Haise smiled dryly. It was always hard to tell between Arima's fine lines of sarcasm and seriousness, but he complied nonetheless. He slid himself into the hard, cold seat across the long table from his superior. Somehow, Arima seemed colder, more distant than usual.

"Alright. So…?" He trailed off, urging him to begin. Haise could tell there wasn't any room in the tense atmosphere for light banter. Arima pulled out a surprisingly thick manilla folder with countless colorful tabs. It was difficult to estimate exactly how thick that bulging folder was.

"Your team is to drop the current case. Starting from today, you're to find and kill the S-rated ghoul The Vagabond, Hideyoshi Nagachika."

There was a sudden explosion inside of him that singed his heart, but when Haise opened his mouth, he found himself saying that's fine. The words were oddly difficult to push out.

It's probably nothing, he thought to himself.

Despite his thoughts, there was a distant cry in the depths of his mind.

.

.

.

"Sassan?"

How many times did someone have to save himself from his own thoughts?

"Oh, sorry," Haise replied absentmindedly. Everything was fuzzy and unclear, like impressionist paintings. The scenery sharply came back into focus. As expected, it was their clean and tidy apartment. The lights felt too bright for their own good. "What's wrong, Shirazu?"

Shirazu sighed the way an exasperated teenager might. "I've been callin' yer name for the past minute," he snapped irritably, eyes narrowed sharply. Then, they softened. "You've been kinda out of it ever since the meeting. You...You okay?"

Haise, out of pure will, smiled. "Sorry, Shirazu," he apologized, distractedly scratching the back of his head, "but I'm okay. Just tired," and his throat tightened. To make a point, he stretched his mouth wide open and pretended to yawn drowsily. It wasn't that hard, since he was already tired.

He seemed to buy it. Shirazu blinked, and then brightened up instantly, much like a brand new light bulb.

"Alright," he replied, seemingly content. His serious mood lifted completely, disappearing to the land of who-knows-where. "Oh, yeah! Hey, could'ya help me with-"

"I think I'll have to head to bed early," Haise interrupted, feigning ignorance. "Good night, Shirazu. Don't stay up late." His ears rang like hyperactive wedding bells on drugs, and his voice felt detached from his body. Shirazu opened his mouth, but then shut it and went silent.

"O-OK," Shirazu stammered. He visibly deflated. "...G'night, then." Haise gave him a small smile, roughly patted his shoulder once, and trudged heavily up the winding stairs.

He hung his head low, hair flopping messily in front of his face. What he had said earlier wasn't entirely a lie, as he was beginning to find out. Normally, analyzing any case wouldn't leave him so unbearably drained, but this new one sure as hell did.

His movements didn't feel like his own. His consciousness felt distant, focusing somewhere else. As he brushed his teeth, his arm noticeably drooped with fatigue.

Haise fell face down with an airy whump onto his happily fluffy bed, and allowed an exhausted groan from himself. He was still struggling to figure out the reason for this mysterious lack of energy. Looking at files for hours on end was the norm, and everything today was just everyday routine.

So…why?

With his limbs feeling quite strikingly like lead, he rolled onto his side, back facing the wall. His heavy-lidded eyes drifted towards his desk, and he felt a soft pang seeing the thick manila folder sitting there on the edge.

Ah.

Yes, that.

The new case-it had to be it. Feelings he couldn't place nor understand had been sapping away his time, thoughts, concentration, and energy all day. Just looking at it made Haise just a little bit-frustrated. It had, after all, been bothering immensely for the past 24 hours.

Slowly, the folder began to tip off the edge. In his tired, groggy state, Haise merely watched to see if it would stabilize itself. Then, it began to tip off the far edge. He jolted up to attempt catching it before it fell, but it ended up hitting the ground with a loud slap.

Considering his mind was spinning and the voices just wouldn't fucking shut the hell up, he reached over, arm flailing, to reach the folder. He caught it with his fingertips and heaved it onto his bed. He splayed it open across his lap, careful not to let the bulging contents spill.

The first paper was a thorough description about everything the CCG currently knew about the S-rated ghoul Hideyoshi Nagachika. Just reading the bolded letters of the ghoul's name on the paper put a weight on his chest.

This nearly unbearable weight confused him beyond words. He-he-he didn't even know this man-no, ghoul. Never in his entire life had he ever met Nagachika. (Fuck, there was that weight again.) He was a total stranger, and Haise wanted to keep it that way.

Well, to say that was a bit of a stretch. Even if Haise didn't want to know about him, he wouldn't be able to help it. On the paper was written the ghoul's personality, old department in the CCG, favorite dishes, quirks, and everything in between.

That was the strange part.

Hearing this ghoul was originally human shocked him. Even now, the thought made his heart soar to the seventh heaven, because that meant this ghoul was not a ghoul, per se, but half ghoul and half human.

In other words, he was like him. Nagachika was like him, and that meant Haise wasn't alone in this world.

However, Arima could tell right away that Haise felt this way by the expression he had when Arima told him. His superior had said to him, "Either way, the Vagabond is a ghoul. Remember, he's a ghoul first, and a human second."

Haise had begged to begin a protest, but had also known it was unwise to do so.

He would never tell this to a single soul, but when he read that name, he felt more than just a weight. He felt nostalgia like reading old favorite children's books, happiness that could send a person to heaven right there, and a bitterness that could rot the world

That wasn't just because Nagachika was a human-ghoul hybrid. Haise knew more than anyone that he must've had a connection to this person in his past life.

And that was exactly what had been tiring him all day.

Even worse, Haise knew he would still have to kill him.

.

.

.

In a distant, black alleyway, a starved man groaned at the pain.

The pain was both physical and emotional, but damn everything if it wasn't mainly emotion.

He laid his head against the scratchy brick wall, not even caring about the way his yellow hair stuck to it. He found it hard to are when the pain in his heart was near excruciating.

It was even enough to prick his eyes with tears when he hadn't cried in nearly a year and a half. The weighty pain rose, lightened, and then crashed down again like a war bomb. Outcome a soft sob, but he gasped and shut in the brimming tears.

"Damnit," he murmured shakily under his breath. "D-Damnit." He slumpd to the ground and curled upon himself against the cold, rigid brick wall.

It hurt. It hurt, badly, so, so badly.

"…Kane…Kaneki, where-are you…?"

**A/N: Hello! I'm back with another story, one which I'm heavily interested and been just pretty damn invested in. I know I still have my other TG fanfiction, which I haven't updated in a while (I apologize to my faithful readers for that one! A new chapter should be up soon). I cannot promise regular updates, but I'll try to achieve a balanced schedule. **

**I think everyone has the gist here? Hide is a half ghoul, and now Sassan has to go hunt him. Lovely. Don't know if that's already a thing on here, actually. Well, tell me if you're interested in this, should I continue it, any thoughts or kind criticism****. **

**Thank you so much for reading! 3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Retrouvaille**

_Chapter 2_

"Haise, you don't…you don't have to do this."

Haise lifted his gaze from his papers to see Akira looking at him with an odd sense of bitterness.

"Are you talking about my new case?" Haise questioned, setting his pen down quietly. Akira nodded once. "Then…what do you mean?"

"Because, this ghoul," she began, "this ghoul is-is…" Her eyes went ten shades darker. "No, I-I'm sorry. Get back to work."

"Akira-"

"I said to get back to work!"

As he went home that day, sorting the case in his mind, he wondered if he should've pushed the subject.

He jammed the key into the keyhole, twisted it roughly, and headed in. The warm air from the apartment wrapped around his stinging cold skin, and he sighed in relief.

It had barely been 24 hours since he started his new case with Hideyoshi Nagachika, more popularly known at The Vagabond,, and he already wanted to end it.

Plotting the particular ghoul's murder was proving difficult. Not because he was a half-ghoul, not because he was S-rated, not because Haise had no idea where he was, but because Haise genuinely didn't want to kill him.

That didn't change the heart of the situation, though. The fact was that Haise was still a ghoul investigator, and his very existence was meant to eradicate ghouls, half human or not.

"Let's go over the situation again," he found himself saying. "We're to find and kill-" it was still difficult to say _kill_, "the S-rated ghoul, the Vagabond. We barely have two witnesses to back up this claim, seeing as…there aren't any other live witnesses."

"This is all old information," Urie interrupted coldly. "What about the ghoul's capabilities?" Haise bit his lip, and sent Shirazu a warning expression that said _calm down_. Shirazu glared at his icy teammate, but kept his mouth shut.

"He has a rinkaku kagune, like the binge eater from the 20th ward years ago,," Haise began, eyes trailed down at Nagachika's profile. "Naturally, he has a lot of strength."

His head throbbed.

**HH…Haise…**

"Anyway." Haise trodden on while scanning the paper for more information. He had this all planned out in his head-it was to a meticulously perfect explanation, but seeing as his head felt like much, it didn't help much.

**Haise…**

"His actions have been similar to that of a binge eater, like the ghoul I mentioned earlier," he went on, stubbornly ignoring the whispering voice. "The thing is, his massacres aren't frequent. Each attack is separated with at two to three month's time."

"I thought a ghoul could only survive on a human body for two months at _most?"_ Tooru pointed out confusedly.

"Yeah, that's why this is odd. I suspect he's starving himself, and then lashing out at others once he can't take the hunger." _Why would he do that?_ Haise wondered in frustration. _I know the hunger of a ghoul, and that's just…it's hell._

"Is he a sadist, or somethin'?" Shirazu muttered in annoyance under his breath. The comment made the corners of Haise's mouth twitch in light amusement, but the amusement was short lived. It shone for a moment, and then was gone.

"We're gonna have to find that out first hand," Haise said seriously. "But in order to find him, we're going to have to leave this place."

"The fifth ward, ya mean?" Shirazu asked. Haise shook his head.

"Yes and no," he replied. "When I say leaving, I mean leaving as in leaving Tokyo." Shirazu's and Tooru's mouths opened in a small O. Urie remained unsurprised, as it seemed he was already well aware of this. "It's already been confirmed the Vagabond left the city 20 months ago, which is when we believed he turned into a ghoul. Actually, we even have his train ticket."

He shuffled around the endless mountain of papers and plucked out a dirty, crinkled ziplock baggy.

Inside was a small, rectangular paper subway ticker. It was crinkled and bleached a faint parchment yellow. The destination was Nagano, a bustling city northwest from Tokyo.

"Nagano," Shirazu echoed, peering closely at it. "We should head there, then!"

"If it only were that simple," Haise sighed. "The problem is…"

"He's not there anymore?"

"Yes, a thorough search was conducted there recently, and he was nowhere to be found. It seems he's trying to avoid Tokyo at all costs, including the city and the entire district in general. His massacres have been scattered around the Nagano prefecture."

"Now we have to chase after him, huh?" Shirazu muttered under his breath, and his eyes flickered around the room. "...Hey, shouldn't Saiko be here? With us?"

"I tried to get her, but she refused to come," Haise sighed. Akira always scolded him for never trying hard enough to kick her out of her room, but he sincerely didn't want to be too rash or rough with her. Akira would usually roll her eyes at this, mumbling that a parent would do what's best for their children.

But he wasn't their father, was he?

"Hey, what's wrong?" Tooru nudged his orange-haired best friend. worriedly. Shirazu's eyes drifted towards Urie, who was giving him a hard, cold look with forced monotony everywhere except his eyes. Haise could feel where this was heading, and opened his mouth to settle the matter, but it had already started.

"What the hell is your problem, Urie?" Shirazu said heatedly.

"Your hot head," Urie stated sharply. "We've wasted time."

"I-wha-I was just worrying about a fellow teammate! Probably more than you've ever done as our leader," he added quietly to himself. Urie's eye twitched for a split second.

"Guys," Haise began carefully, but they both exploded like grenades and burst into irritable bickering.. He sealed his mouth shut and shared a knowing, yet exhausted glance with Tooru.

This was going to be a long night.

.

.

.

Akira made sure questioning her superiors wouldn't become a habit, or even be an option most of the time, but at this point, she was certain she could make a small exception.

Once she realized Haise was assigned to the The Vagabond case, she knew she needed answers for her questions. She needed pure logic from the man himself to figure out why _Haise_ was in charge of such a case.

The second she heard who exactly the half-ghoul was, she spiraled into a choked shock. Her memories of Hideyoshi were fuzzy, to say the least. In the back of her mind, she protested that the bright college student that brought worked part-time couldn't have possibly turned into this _beast_.

The Hideyoshi she knew didn't recklessly slaughter humans, and most of all, was not a half-ghoul.

She sprinted out of her office just in time to catch Arima right before he stepped out the front automatic doors. Arima looked over his shoulder, and whirled around. Akira wished he was shorter-perhaps, then, it would be a little easier to swallow his presence.

"Yes?" he said mildly, with no hint of any opinion in his voice. She straightened her back and shifted her feet. Now that she finally caught him before he felt, she was going to ask her damned questions. She melted all frustration off her face and set her expression straight.

"Why did you give Rank 1 Sasaki that-that case?" she sputtered out.

"…" He was silent, eyes focused downward. She stood there, deciding she'd refuse to leave until she had an answer to toss around.

"I gave it to him as an apology, responsibility, and a test." Arima said, raising his averted eyes. They spoke eons of thoughts she couldn't place. They blinked.

"Responsibility? Test?" Akira echoed, narrowing her eyes. "And _what_ on _Earth_ do you mean, _APOLOGY?"_

"It's a private matter. Now, if you'll excuse me."

"No! I have-one more. One more question. You _will_ wait." She kept her voice strong. Why was she so unbearably nervous? She'd talked to him countless times before. This time shouldn't have been any different than the last.

He said nothing, eye flashing-or was it just the reflection of the lights? He nodded once, stiffly, giving her permission to continue.

"What if he regains his memories?" Akira knew nothing of Haise's memories. The topic was top secret, a dark treasure that only belonged to Arima. No one knew, not even the man who lost his memories.

"What he chooses to do with his memories, if he regains them, is his decision alone," Arima replied softly. "For now, let's assume he'll continue to stay at the CCG as Haise Haise."

"Is it really _his_ decision?" She pressed on, resting his hands on his hips. "If he doesn't regain his memories, then there's nothing to worry about, but if he does…Won't we be ordered to kill him?"

Then he smiled something that couldn't have possibly been a real smile.

She blinked once.

"In your mind, there is only one option. It's to obey. I have much more faith in Rank 1 Sasaki. He'll see that there isn't just one path laid out him."

Then he faced the other way and stepped outside.

.

.

.

By the time Haise was able to close his eyes on his own bed, he was beyond exhausted.

_Discussions should never last that long,_ he thought in a drained state. After several hours of debating, they decided he was definitely in the Nagano prefecture. As to which city in the prefecture? They had no idea. _I'll worry about it tomorrow,_ he decided. He rolled around in his blankets, immediately felt his eyelids drooping, and he was asleep.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"**Haise."**

His eyes flashed open and darted them around to see-this wasn't his room.

The room he _was_ standing in was the sideless and ceilingless place that haunted the darkness behind his eyelids. He released a compressed, shuddering breath, and tried to ignore the sensation of a bug crawling up every vertebrate on his spine, one by one.

""**Y-You…yo-YOU,, cann't kill, can'tkill him can'tkillcan'tkill**_**Hide**_**-"**

His fists lay clenched by his sides, and his muscles stilled, kept taut and stressed. The footsteps behind him rang a thousand times each in his pounding ears. His hearing felt disturbingly acute, like when he was in the house alone and there was a sudden noise from an unknown source.

"**Y-You, if you k-KILL him, kill him if you him I **_**kill YOU-"**_

The mutterings increased in volume slowly, and eventually they grew into screams with a chilling ferocity.

"**He's my b,best FRIEND, you under-understand, riGHT?DON'TKILLDON'T-"**

"Please stop," Haise whispered.

"**Understand, don't y-yo-YOU? I Can'T-without him I can't…"**

"Please. Stop."

"**I need him…Don't kill him, Haise…"**

His heartbeat was loud, but there was no way it was loud enough.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do!" He cried out, turning around to face his inner demon.

There was a glimpse-of a boy? A teenager? A man? He couldn't tell. He briefly picked out a head of white head and a vibrant streak of blood, sweat, and tears before he heard a distant laugh. Haise's eyes met the-boy, he decided-boy's pulsing red and human eyes.

Before he could make anything of it, there was a flash a bright sunlight.

He blinked several times, getting the aftershock out of his vision, and shook his head. Black hair flopped in his face-_black hair?_ He looked down at himself, shocked to see a school uniform. Not only that, he felt-shorter? Smaller? His eyes also felt remarkably sharper.

The scenery appeared to be a school campus. The bustling, thrilling sound of students and excited chatter proved his point. .

_Am I at college?_

"Yo, dude!"

He turned around on his heel and almost crashed into quite an energetic boy, who had bright, sunflower-yellow orange hair and a wide grin that could save lives near death.

A balloon expanded in his chest, and he felt the corners of his mouth prick upwards.

"Hey, Hide!" The words just came and poured naturally out of his mouth. There was no room to feel surprised.

"It's been awhile since we hung out. You wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Sure," he replied subconsciously. Haise could feel the taste of hamburgers on his tongue and nearly stopped in his tracks at the shock

Right now, was he human?

Could he eat human food?

A rush of floating excitement took over the confusion swirling in his stomach. Suddenly, he also felt rather starved, but not for human meat-for real, human _food._

"Hey." Hide's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You okay?"

"Oh, I guess-" Haise smiled wide, "I'm just really hungry!" Hide gave him a funny look and began attacking him with a quick noogie.

"Man, you're so weird!" Hide laughed loudly, patting him roughly on the shoulder. He sighed and laughed in the same breath and lazily fixed his messy black hair.

There was this painfully foreign, yet familiar ache nestled in his tightly wound chest. It was deep and weighty, but it was warm. It was comfortably warm, like the sweetest, gentlest of campfires on a cold day. He looked to his left, and drank in Hide's appearance.

"Hey, spring break is coming up soon," Hide said. Haise nodded slowly, the realization filling him. "You know one place I've always wanted to go to?"

"Ogawa?" Haise found the word popped right of his mouth without a thought. The energetic boy next to him grinned widely.

"You know me so well, dude!" He laughed loudly, and clapped Haise on the back. Haise felt a smile creep up his lips, but then something happened.

He couldn't really describe it. Was it a realization? A memory? It was hard to say. It was just _something-_maybe it was the way the sun cast shadows on Hide's face, or the direction the wind blew, or-.

_Wait._

Haise's eyes widened, and his heart shattered and fell into his stomach.

_The-The yellow hair, that face-he looks younger, but he's definitely, he's definitely-_

"Considering how long we've known each, I'm not surprised you knew what I was gonna say," The one-eyed ghoul smiled brightly, "and that's why we're best friends!"

_Best friends?_

His smile cracked and shifted in to like shattered glass.

.

.

.

"_Hide!"_

Haise's eyes burst open and he snapped up, breathing quickly and heavily. He ran his sweaty, pink-palmed hands all over his sides and his face, desperately wishing to rid himself of that shivering.

"Hide," he mumbled to himself, and he gasped. His gasp was more air than noise. He felt his head compress and expand and _pulse_. He squeezed his eyes shut again, and focused on shutting down the swimming heat inside his brain.

The one-eyed ghoul's appearance flashed alarmingly behind his eyelids.

He forced his eyelids open again.

_Inhale. _Exhale. _Inhale. _Exhale.

"...Um-Hello? Sasaki? …Are you okay?"

Tooru, he recognized.

"I'm fine," he replied tightly. He cursed at how high and strained he sounded. He closed his eyes and took a deep, quiet breath. "I'm okay, Tooru." His eyes flickered towards the clock. _2:18 AM._

"You, um, were saying things earlier. In your sleep. So came from my bedroom to see if you were, um, okay," Tooru said quietly. Light from the halfway streamed through the thin crevices in Haise's closed door.

"Thank you for checking on me, but I'm okay. Sorry to wake you-it's late. Go back bed, alright?"

"...O-Okay. Good night."

"Good night."

The light blinked out, and everything was dark.

_How could he have heard me from his bedroom? He's all the way on the other side of the hall,_ he thought with a chill.

_Was that a memory?_ he wondered. _Were he and I friends back in college? _An invisible weight smacked into his chest. _No, he called his best friends. And that warm, nostalgic feeling-it can't be nothing. It shows proof of the bond I share with this one-eyed ghoul. Why, out of all the cases, I had to get this one?_ Like a swinging pendulum, a weight hit his chest again, again, and again.

He shut his eyes again, and tried his best to sleep with the flashing memories in his head.

**AN: Yay! New chapter for a rainy, gloomy day. Ew. **

**I'm glad you guys liked it! I'll try my best for update on a regular schedule, around once a week, probs? I'll see how it goes. But, really, thank you all so much! ;w; If you have any questions, PM me or leave a review! Have a nice day, and thank you for reading~**


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